October 28

The next morning, which was Thursday, I tried calling Paul over and over again. I called where Paul worked and they said he was to be in at 11am. At 11:30 I called his work again and spoke with someone else, she said that not only was Paul not there yet but he did not show up for work the day before. You can imagine my panic. Without hesitation,I quickly left a note for Jeff, and got in my car to go to Paul's place. The whole time I was driving down the interstate going 80 MPH I kept saying to myself,not to drive recklessly, I wouldn't do Paul any good if I were to get in an accident and then saying over and over again please let him be ok. While I said those things I had this horrible feeling that something was terribly wrong. I would then switch my thoughts trying to convince myself that since he was a sound sleeper I would find that I was worrying needlessly. The 16 mile drive felt like an eternity.

When I arrived at his house I knocked and called his name frantically. I tried all the doors and windows. I chastised myself for not having a key. I then drove my car to a gas station close by to call 911 (I didn't have a cell Phone then). After that I drove back to his house and again called his name. Then I reached in my purse and got out a credit card and slid it through the lock on the door. I tried that several times when all of a sudden the door opened for me. Thank God, I was able to break in. I was so afraid of what I would find.

Paul lived in a rented mobile home, I entered into the living room and glanced to the kitchen on my right. No Paul. I went to the left towards his bedroom and there I saw Paul lying on the floor on his side. I reached down, touched his arm and (this is so hard to write) he was cold to my touch. My worst fear was realized, he was dead. I stood up ran towards the front door and tried to scream and I couldn't, nothing would come out from my throat. I then fell to my knees, started screaming and crying and begging for help. I got up, ran outside and started calling for help to anyone who could hear me. After what seemed like an eternity I saw the ambulance across the street at the wrong address and I screamed again for help and they heard me. The rest of it is a blur, a paramedic stayed with me and the other and I think the police went inside. When they came out, they confirmed what I already knew, my son had died.

All the while I was kept outside while the police checked the house, I guess for foul play and the medical examiner was there too.The police and paremedics asked me about Paul's medical history and gathered up his meds, they asked me about his friends and who had seen him last. All this time I didn't really know what happened to Paul. I suspected perhaps he had an insulin reaction or he could have gone into a diabetic coma, I couldnt say for sure.I still felt like I was in a daze and this really wasn't happening. Then I asked where his cats were and if they were ok, he had had trouble with his furnace and I thought it could have been carbon monoxide poisioning. Someone pointed out that one cat, which was Ozzy, was on the top of his dresser and watching over Paul. In the meantime someone called me back in, Jeff was on the phone and had gone into my house and saw my note. He asked me how Paul was and I couldn't answer and then Jeff said, he's dead isn't he? My heart was breaking, I couldn't say it, but Jeff knew. He said he would leave immediately for Paul's house. The paremedics and police were done, they made me look away while they took Paul out of his house. There was nothing left for them to do and the female paremedic that was with me the whole time was hesitant to leave. I told her I would be ok and that my other son was on his way. This may sound melodramatic but it was true, I told her again it was ok I was used to being alone.

Jeff arrived, oh yes, he was with his girlfriend Dawn. We walked into Paul's house trying to grasp what had happened and again it is all a blur, I know we cried, but I remember that we found Ozzy and put him in my car. We looked for Paul's other cat, Sox, but couldn't find her. Later that evening we went back and I found her and brought her to my home.