My plan did not work,see my earlier post today!

You see, what I did today was:
write Paul a message
placed the message in a helium balloon
went to Conkey Woods,the forest preserve where he played baseball.
I sat in my car and played the CD "Precious Child"
I couldn't help but cry
I walked to the meadow, stared up into the blue sky
talked to Paul and then released the balloon
the strong wind carried it to him.

Now at home
I have candles lit in remembrance
of my son, he is always with me!

Today is just another day, yeah right.

It is seven years ago that my life changed forever and I am trying to go about it as though nothing happened. Yesterday, today and the days to come are going to be "just another day" and I am going to be like Scarlet and just think about it tomorrow. I am just going to go through the motions and pretend that this is just another ordinary week.

Except......

My every thought is of you Paul, even though I try to pretend that these days are just like any others, I can't. I miss you and love you with all my heart. I pray that you are happy in your eternal life.

Paul, I am reading about communication with "the other side" and I hope that you want and will try to communicate with me. I am looking for signs in hope that we can reach each other. Someday I will see you again but till then know that...........

every step I take, every move I make, every day, I'll be missing you.
Love,Ma

This is big!!!

I have made a giant step forward in healing. Let me explain.

I had mentioned earlier in my blog that Paul's funeral was on October 31, 1999. Yes, on Halloween, nothing like another huge reminder of the saddest day of my life each year!

In the past, as a child and in the years to come with my boys, Halloween was always a fun and anticipated day. That ended 7 years ago. Just recently this is where the signs of my healing is beginning to show. I had bought this gorgeous wreath to put on my front door and after talking with the shopkeeper had decided in order to keep with the holidays I would add something in the center of this wreath. So I went ahead and bought an ugly old witch made of cloth and placed it in the wreath the other day. In addition, I was shopping at Walgreens and bought a skeleton pen with fuzzy orange stuff and it lights up when you write and a necklace shaped like a pumpkin to wear at work on Halloween. I am telling you that this is really more steps in the right direction and I think Paul would approve.

Funny though, I unintentionally bought 3 things .... Paul's favorite number!!!