This was on Facebook. A site for grieving mothers

Your loss may still be fresh, raw and excruciating. You may find it hard to believe you can ever recover or heal from this horrible thing. It will take a long time, there's no way around that. But we include here a brief description of what usually happens after your grieving is finished, so you can survive now, with hope in the back of your mind. There are brighter days ahead.

The grieving process is a very personal and individual thing. Your unique relationship with your loved one, and the manner in which he died will dictate the length and depth of your own "roller coaster ride". There is no healthy way to shorten the process; there are no short cuts to the resolution of grief. You must let it run it's course.

There is also no "normal" amount of time for mourning. Some people adjust to a new life in a matter of months. Others take a year or more, or up to 2 years or longer to complete their grieving. Most take a year or two. The best length of time for you? Whatever you need.

Even after you are "done", you may experience grief feelings from time to time, especially during special dates and anniversaries, or during holidays. Expect it.

The end of grief does not mean that you forget your beloved, or cease to love them. When you experience a tragic loss, it breaks your heart.

•Can you mend your broken heart? Yes.
•Does this mean that you are dishonoring your loved one? No.
•Will you ever forget them? No.
•Will they always have a place in your heart? Yes.



Complicated Grief is the final type of loss. This is when the grieving process does not progress over time as it should. The intensity of feelings and length of time is severe and prolonged and interferes with your ability to function. You may even fall into a true depression or anxiety disorder.

The hallmark of complicated grief is that the thoughts, reactions and behaviors do not change or improve as time goes on. Most people know when they are stuck in a grief that will not resolve. Complicated grief usually will not conclude on it's own, and requires the help of a professional counselor to resolve it.
We must go through grief in a healthy way to let our loved ones find peace in the spirit world, while we can't move on here fortunately they can over there.

Hold On

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.

- Pueblo Blessing

From TCF

TO THOSE WHO LOOK AWAY

To those who look away
when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department,
look a little deeper.

Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those who change the subject
when I speak my sons' names,
change your way of thinking.

It just might change your whole life.

To those who roll their eyes
and say that we barely had them at all,
how could we miss them so much,
in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times.
We have seen their first steps, first day of school,
their weddings, and their children.

We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another,
we did. I thank God for her everyday,
but even if I have twenty more babies,
I will forever have two in the grave,
and that is two too many.

To those who say to get on with my life,
I have. It is a different life,

The life of a grieving mother.

One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!

Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us:

we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to US
and you just might see THEM.

~~~ Author Unknown ~~~

On Facebook/The Compassionate Friends page

This poem is written by a bereaved mother.

The road to Sorrow was a short road.
I was there before I knew it.
The road to Healing is a long road.
The Healing Road will be found if I want, wait and look long enough.
Some days I travel easily,
making good time.
Other days each step feels like a mile,
and I don't care if I ever arrive.
My sorrow is real. I can feel it,
and I see it everywhere I look.
This road named Sorrow never ends,
no matter how many milles I walk.
After a time, Sorrow Road doesn't seem to always be uphill.
I can find many ways to walk down hill, among the living.

Tonya M. Sandoval
September 9, 2011

Remembrance

I'M THERE INSIDE YOUR HEART

Right now I'm in a different place,

And though we seem apart,

I'm closer than I ever was ...

I'm there inside your heart.

I'm with you when you greet each day

And while the sun shines bright,

I'm there to share the sunsets, too ...

I'm with you every night.

I'm with you when the times are good,

To share a laugh or two,

And if a tear should start to fall ...

I'll still be there for you.

And when that day arrives

That we no longer are apart,

I'll smile and hold you close to me ...

Forever in my heart.

Debra Reagan

Paul McDonald Dancing With The Angels - Meg Ingram

To Live in Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die

I found this online and sent it to my sister on the 4th anniversary when Jill died.

Remember me on quiet days,
While rain drops whisper on your pane.
But in your memories have no grief.
Let just the joy we knew remain.
Remember me when evening stars
Smile down on you with quiet eyes.
Remember me if once you awake
To catch a glimpse of red sunrise.
Remember me when spring walks by.
Think once of me when you are glad.
When you are happy, so am I.
And when your thoughts do turn to me,
Know that I would not have you cry.
But live for me and laugh for me,
And while you live,
I shall not die.

~~Author Unknown

Why I changed the title of my blog!

I started my blog in 2001 thanks to a friend at the time, Barb. I titled it Grief and my Journey of Healing. Today I changed the title.

Actually, there is no healing from grief, it never goes away. Oh, the intensity lessens, you don't cry everyday but ....... it is still there, my son died and he is never coming back.

There is not one day that goes by where I don't think about him.

It's weird his brother, Jeff is sounding more and more like him!! My imagination or was it always there?

Today on Facebook, The Compassionate Friends asked a question, "Does time heal all wounds?"

My comment was no!!! I will never heal, accept perhaps, but never heal.

So that is why and what lead me to write this entry.

Looking at Life and Death in a Different Way!

This quote if from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, who was a French Jesuit priest trained as a paleontologist and a philosopher, (1 May 1881 – 10 April 1955). and wrote this:

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Paraphrased variant: We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.