WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Sometime in June (this is 8 months after Paul died) I thought even though I had the autopsy report and found out that Paul had heart disease I had questions why this wasn't noticed by his doctor. Paul was going to a clinic and I was worried that perhaps they weren't thorough enough; this clinc was free for those who were employed and unable to afford health insurance. I talked to my doctor, who had once helped Paul. I wanted to know if they should have been looking for heart disease and he said not necessarily. While I was asking these questions I could not stop crying and my doctor asked me if I did a lot of crying. I was taken back by this question, of course I was, my son died. He then proceeded to write a script for Zoloft and said perhaps I needed counseling. I went through a program at work and scheduled an appointment with a counsler.

I was apprehensive about taking Zoloft, but I thought perhaps it would help me. I stayed on the drug for one week and I hated it. I felt absolutely nothing while taking it, I didn't cry but then I didn't laugh either, I was numb and felt nothing. Although the instructions said not to stop taking the drug without checking with the doctor, I stopped taking it. As for the counseling that was a joke, all she could concentrate on was that I was having a couple of beers every day and she labeled me an alcoholic.


What is wrong me? The doctor says I am depressed, the counselor says I am an alcoholic.I knew they were wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it, later I did. I was misdiagnosed....... I came to the conclusion that.... I was grieving. My child died, there is nothing wrong with me.

It is very important to know that there is no right or wrong was to grieve, there is no time limit on when you should "get better". More important, you are not crazy.You cannot compare yourself to others. You heal at your own pace. You can learn from others especially at Compassionate Friends on how to do this.

You must learn to be "Gentle with yourself".