Returning to work

Somehow I knew after Jeff left to go back home, I needed to return to work. When I did my co-workers were wonderful, expressing their sympathy and caring, even some of the customers who knew me well. (I don't believe I mentioned that I worked in a casino in Metropolis). It was very difficult to concentrate on my job, my every thought was of Paul. The sadness I felt was overwhelming. I thought that I was destined to feel this way for the rest of my life. I couldn't laugh or enjoy anything. Customers would irritate me when they complained of losing their money and I wanted to say to them "try losing a son". I couldn't wait for the day to be over so I could be at home and then when I was home, I didn't want to be there either, I wondered what the big rush was. I'd sit on my front porch and stare into the sky and picture my son there in heaven. When going to work I would pass the first place he lived at. One day, I sat in my car in front of his little house and pictured him there in each room, recalling happier times. I broke down in tears and then I had to go to work! It wasn't unusual for me to break down at any time. There was one time at work that I'll never forget. I saw a young man that resembled Paul. I broke down in tears and had to leave the floor. My supervisor talked to me and asked me if I never thought that would happen, I looked at her and told her I honestly didn't think it would. I know better now.

To this day, whenever I see a young man with a cap on backwards, I think of Paul, especially if this young man should resemble Paul just a little!!