Next month I am going to take my yearly trip downstate to visit Paul's grave. For the first time in 7 years Jeff will be traveling with me. Because of his crazy work schedule he has not been able to make the trip, but he is determined to go this year. It seems to me that Jeff has been experiencing Paul's death harder now and in the last couple of years. Jeff said that on Paul's birthday this year he kept "seeing" Paul, the visions ranged from when Paul was young to July of 1999, when they got to spend some time together and it was to be, the last time he saw his brother alive.
So my wish and it has been since I moved from downstate is to have Paul brought back here so that we can "visit" him more often. I know there are some people who cannot bring themselves to go to the cemetery, but not us. Since I was a little girl my parents would go to the graves of their loved ones and tend to the graves and pay their love and respect. I did the same with my sons, bringing them to where my parents and grandparents are laid to rest.
Sometimes I play the lottery in hopes to win just enough so I can bring Paul back home, but the odds of that are pretty slim. One day Paul will come back here, but I think that will happen after my death. Jeff told me that with monies he receives, with my insurance policies and whatever else I may have, he is going to bring Paul back home. I truly hope we don't have to wait til then!! Right now I am able to drive the 6 hours it takes to get there, but as I get older that will change.
I don't know how my writing my wish will do any good, but this blog enables me to put down all my thoughts!!
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