Memories

Today as I was cleaning the condo and while in the bathroom I had a scary moment. I was moving things around on the bathroom vanity I heard the bowl in my hand clink against the porcelain sink. My heart sank as I thought I might have broken the bowl. Now this bowl is old and anyone one would think what’s the big deal? It doesn’t look like it’s worth anything. But it is special; Paul gave it to me and there is a story behind it. Of course the story is meaningful only to me, but if another bereaved parent should read this they would understand.

Paul was about 24 years old and just moved into an apartment that he shared with another young man. Some time later his roommate moved out. It wasn’t long after I had stopped by and noticed this pretty, but chipped bowl on the table. It had an antique look to it so I commented how I thought it was pretty and where did it come from. Well his old roommate left it behind. I asked him if I could have it and he said not really he used it for his cereal. Time went by and I had forgotten all about the bowl until one day out of the blue, Paul asked me if I still wanted it. I said yes and then he handed it over to me. It is not like it was a huge sacrifice or any big deal, but the story is a special memory. There is just a bit more to my story that I want to add. Time had passed and I was out shopping and found this big white bowl and printed in blue, it said cereal bowl. Perfect!! I bought it so I could replace the pretty bowl that Paul had given to me. I kept the big cereal bowl for a very long time and then I gave it to Jeff, Paul’s brother. Jeff and I do that from time to time, swap things that are Pauls. We share his precious things and relive our precious memories.

September 3rd

There is not one day that goes by where I don't think about Paul but yesterday my thoughts were mainly of him, it was his birthday. I sent a message to Paul in a red balloon and watched it sail up so high that surely it made it to heaven. I watched until I could no longer see it.

Happy Birthday my love!!

There Must Be A Reason

That We Can't See,There Must Be A Reason Why

A Reason We Must Take On Faith

As We Do The Sun On High

For We Know That Life Is A Journey

Sometimes Long And Sometimes Brief

A Journey On Which We All Find Joy

Mingled With Sadness And Grief

So Try To Remember The Joy Today

However Hard It May Be

And Trust You'll Find Comfort

When You Know,

The Reason You Now Can Not See.

About sons and I think this is true:

You don’t raise heroes,
you raise sons. And if
you treat them like sons,
they’ll turn out heroes,
even if it’s just in
your own eyes.

Beautifully Imperfect

A friend sent me an email and it was a video from YouTube. This video is not just for anyone who has lost a loved one, but for all to cherish the loved ones who are still with us. Warning, it may bring a tear of two to your eyes and remind you how beautifully imperfect our loved ones are. The link is below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3ZmNKYma0

In Memory of Jill

Remembered Joy

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free!
I follow the plan God laid for me.
I saw His face, I heard His call,
I took His hand and left it all...
I could not stay another day,
To love, to laugh, to work or play;
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
And if my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...
Ah yes, these things I, too, shall miss.
My life's been full, I've savoured much:
Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—
Don't shorten yours with undue grief.
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow,
Enjoy the sunshine of the morrow.

The New Year

A new year brings time to reflect
on the children we love,
those who remain with us
and those for whom we grieve ~

Wayne Loder

Be Comforted

My child, show tears over a

dead person

and intone the lament to show

your own deep grief;

bury the body with due

ceremonial,

and do not neglect to honor

the grave . . .

And then be comforted in your

sorrow;

for grief can lead to death,

a grief-stricken heart

undermines your strength.

Let grief end with the funeral;

a life of grief oppresses the

mind.

(Ecclesiasticus 38:16-20).

Sadly, this is easier said than done.

~~~karen

Thanks to the Troops

God Bless America and our Troops

In Memory of Paul .... Laid to Rest 10/31/1999

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:4-8

It is nine years today

I wonder if Paul liked this song! I'm sure he would have agreed with the lyrics!
Thinking of you honey, today and everyday.

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best

Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best

Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best

Quote of the Month from TCF

In this universe nothing is ever wholly lost. That which is excellent remains forever a part of this universe. Human hearts are dust. But the love which moves the human heart, abides to bless the last

generation.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Wish for Jeff & me

Next month I am going to take my yearly trip downstate to visit Paul's grave. For the first time in 7 years Jeff will be traveling with me. Because of his crazy work schedule he has not been able to make the trip, but he is determined to go this year. It seems to me that Jeff has been experiencing Paul's death harder now and in the last couple of years. Jeff said that on Paul's birthday this year he kept "seeing" Paul, the visions ranged from when Paul was young to July of 1999, when they got to spend some time together and it was to be, the last time he saw his brother alive.

So my wish and it has been since I moved from downstate is to have Paul brought back here so that we can "visit" him more often. I know there are some people who cannot bring themselves to go to the cemetery, but not us. Since I was a little girl my parents would go to the graves of their loved ones and tend to the graves and pay their love and respect. I did the same with my sons, bringing them to where my parents and grandparents are laid to rest.

Sometimes I play the lottery in hopes to win just enough so I can bring Paul back home, but the odds of that are pretty slim. One day Paul will come back here, but I think that will happen after my death. Jeff told me that with monies he receives, with my insurance policies and whatever else I may have, he is going to bring Paul back home. I truly hope we don't have to wait til then!! Right now I am able to drive the 6 hours it takes to get there, but as I get older that will change.

I don't know how my writing my wish will do any good, but this blog enables me to put down all my thoughts!!

Another Quote from TCF

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it’s never gone.

- Rose Kennedy


Who knows more about tragedy than Rose Kennedy,
sadly her words are so very true.

A Special Day

It has been eight years since this day was celebrated. It has been remembered, it has been bittersweet, it has been a day filled with tears. Today is the remembrance of the joy I felt 40 years ago. The day Paul was born and filled my heart with a joy and love that was only repeated when Jeff was born.

Later today I will send Paul a message in a balloon. I will go about the rest of my day doing the chores and the things I need to do, but with Paul on my mind and in my heart as always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!!!

I love you and miss you with all my heart.

MY WISH

This is my wish for you:
comfort on difficult days,
smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows to follow the clouds,
laughter to kiss your lips,
hugs when spirits sag,
sunsets to warm your heart,
friendships to brighten your being,
beauty for your eyes to see,
faith so that you can believe,
confidence for when you doubt,
patience to accept the truth,
courage to know yourself,
love to complete your life.

~~~~~~~Anonymous

Never far from my thoughts!

Paul and Jill, I miss you both and love you with all my heart.

From The Compassionate Friends Newsletter

At times our own light goes out

and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Albert Schweitzer

I read this quote today and would like to share

My Feet will want to march to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.


– Anthony Minghella, from Truly, Madly, Deeply

Remembering Jack

On January 23rd my sister's husband, Jack passed away. My heart goes out to her, his daughters, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and other family members. Jack had many close friends and loyal employees. He was truly a good person in every sense of the word. Good to family, friends and strangers. He is loved by many and will be missed. Here's to you Jack!


"I knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never knew I'd look back at the laughter and cry"
~~~Author Unknown