From The Compassionate Friends Newsletter

At times our own light goes out

and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

Albert Schweitzer

I read this quote today and would like to share

My Feet will want to march to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.


– Anthony Minghella, from Truly, Madly, Deeply

Remembering Jack

On January 23rd my sister's husband, Jack passed away. My heart goes out to her, his daughters, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and other family members. Jack had many close friends and loyal employees. He was truly a good person in every sense of the word. Good to family, friends and strangers. He is loved by many and will be missed. Here's to you Jack!


"I knew I'd look back at the tears and laugh, but I never knew I'd look back at the laughter and cry"
~~~Author Unknown

Quote of The Month From Compassionate Friends

I read this quote and nodded yes, this is how I feel. I am thankful to Wayne Loder for his few words that summarize how I feel. It is eight years now since Paul died, and I am a survivor. Sadly my sister's journey has just begun, as it is only nine months since Jill passed away. My sister will survive too. We miss and love our children with all our hearts.

The passage of time alone does not cause our grief to end,

but its softening touch helps us to survive ~

Wayne Loder

I don't consider myself religious but ....

I was touched at the funeral mass for my niece Jill. The prayers for the faithful, which was put together by Suzy was beautiful. The prayer card for Jill, with The Madonna holding her child, and the prayer itself, seemed like it was made for Jill. Perhaps one day I will post it. In the meantime, for the first time since Paul died, I found comfort in religion, which brings me to the reason for this post.

Our family celebrated Thanksgiving at Rose and Jack's home in Indiana. On the route to their home, you go past a church. The sign or message by the church had a verse from the Beatitudes. It was such a coincidence that not only was our family celebrating Thanksgiving and Rosie's birthday it was Jill's birthday the day before. I saw a connection for all of us in the verse from Matthew 5:4:

Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Today is Paul's Birthday ...

... and although I kept myself busy, my thoughts would drift back to him and his life. I had wanted to post this paragraph before and today is a good day for it, it is from the program for the Mass of Resurrection for Jill. May Jill and Paul rest in peace and our families memory of them will forever be in our hearts.

A Family is .....

A family is a deeply rooted tree with branches of different strengths, all receiving nourishment from an infinite source. Family is where character is formed, values are learned, ethics are created, and society is preserved. Family is where all members, contribute and share, cooperate and work, and accept their responsibilities toward the group. Family is where the holidays are celebrated with feasting, birthdays acknowledged with gifts, and thoughts of days gone by are kept alive with fond remembrances. Family is where each can find solace and comfort in grief, pleasure and laughter in joy, and kindness and encouragement in daily living. Family is a haven of rest, a sanctuary of peace, and most of all, a harbor of love.

Happy Birthday Paul, I love you and miss you with all my heart.
Mom

A QUOTE FROM TCF

Quote of the Month

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so.

One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow,

or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky,

and want more than all the world for your return.

by Mary Jean Irion

Remember Me

Remember Me:

To the living I am gone
To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But to the happy, I am at peace
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at the beautiful sea
Remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty
Remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire it's simplicity
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts
and your memories of the times we loved,
the times we cried, the times we fought,
the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will have never gone.....


This poem,
is in Memory Of My Niece,
Jill


This poem is for my sister Rose who
sent it to me for comfort.
Life has dealt us both such sadness and heartache.

A quote from a bereaved mother

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.”

Anne Lindbergh had great happiness and great tragedy in her life. Her book “Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead” is the diary she kept at the time her son was kidnapped. It is truly heartrending.

Quote of the Month from TCF

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,

and you shall see that in truth you are weeping

for that which has been your delight.

From The Prophet

by Kahlil Gibran

Quotes

I joined a website called 43 things some time ago and it is a neat place to visit and belong to.
http://www.43things.com/ On this web site, you can place your goals and places you'd like to visit. You can also list goals you have accomplished. It is also a great way to meet people anonymously, I have also found some bereaved parents on it. One of my goals is to add quotes when I find one that especially relates to me or find funny or inspirational or just plain neat!

All of this explanation brings me to this ........ a quote from Paul that he recorded on a tape when introducing a song.

"Peace and happiness to everyone but love life"

That's my boy!!!! : )

My plan did not work,see my earlier post today!

You see, what I did today was:
write Paul a message
placed the message in a helium balloon
went to Conkey Woods,the forest preserve where he played baseball.
I sat in my car and played the CD "Precious Child"
I couldn't help but cry
I walked to the meadow, stared up into the blue sky
talked to Paul and then released the balloon
the strong wind carried it to him.

Now at home
I have candles lit in remembrance
of my son, he is always with me!

Today is just another day, yeah right.

It is seven years ago that my life changed forever and I am trying to go about it as though nothing happened. Yesterday, today and the days to come are going to be "just another day" and I am going to be like Scarlet and just think about it tomorrow. I am just going to go through the motions and pretend that this is just another ordinary week.

Except......

My every thought is of you Paul, even though I try to pretend that these days are just like any others, I can't. I miss you and love you with all my heart. I pray that you are happy in your eternal life.

Paul, I am reading about communication with "the other side" and I hope that you want and will try to communicate with me. I am looking for signs in hope that we can reach each other. Someday I will see you again but till then know that...........

every step I take, every move I make, every day, I'll be missing you.
Love,Ma

This is big!!!

I have made a giant step forward in healing. Let me explain.

I had mentioned earlier in my blog that Paul's funeral was on October 31, 1999. Yes, on Halloween, nothing like another huge reminder of the saddest day of my life each year!

In the past, as a child and in the years to come with my boys, Halloween was always a fun and anticipated day. That ended 7 years ago. Just recently this is where the signs of my healing is beginning to show. I had bought this gorgeous wreath to put on my front door and after talking with the shopkeeper had decided in order to keep with the holidays I would add something in the center of this wreath. So I went ahead and bought an ugly old witch made of cloth and placed it in the wreath the other day. In addition, I was shopping at Walgreens and bought a skeleton pen with fuzzy orange stuff and it lights up when you write and a necklace shaped like a pumpkin to wear at work on Halloween. I am telling you that this is really more steps in the right direction and I think Paul would approve.

Funny though, I unintentionally bought 3 things .... Paul's favorite number!!!

Dedicated to my sons

L’INCONTRO
(The Meeting)
Poem by Andrea Bocelli



While like a giant-proud and happy
I take my baby in my arms Fragile, innocent, and alive
And like a little bird He’s pushing against my chest
Abandoned quiet and safe For an instant - almost sweetly
My destiny appears to me like a dream

And I see myself, old and surrendered,
Seated there near the coalfire
Waiting for the evening with the anxiety of a child.
Just to see him coming back home
With the gift of his smile, Of his words and kindness
It’s like a promise that can solve the enormous joy
Of one of his caresses

Then I wake up and I have already forgotten
But inside of me the kid’s trapped soul advises me
That this new born child is already more important to me
Than of my own life…………..

……………. And I stood in front of him for awhile
and listened around and took him in my arms

He opened his hand and touched my nose and
brushed against my mouth

I held him and my world turned more
Around us everything blossomed

I stood still for awhile And it was there that time found us again

He opened his hand then touched my nose and then I smiled

I held him and the world turned more
Around us everything blossomed

The world is a tiny point of blue light
That turns and moves with the breath of angels

I held him and the world turned more

That turns are moves with the breath of angels

I held him and stood just so, just so ……….

Paul's Birthday----2006

Happy Birthday Paul!! You are always in my thoughts, but this month especially more so. Rad and I went out and enjoyed this beautiful day. It was made even more special when we went to the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum and visited the butterfly conservatory. It was a beautiful sight especially knowing the significance of the butterfly to life here and beyond.

You were on the minds of many today which I know you had to sense. I talked to Jeff and he told me as he worked though the night his thoughts were mostly of you. Barbara and I talked of you in the morning, I had messages when I returned this evening from Auntie Rose, your cousin Jackie, my neighbor Cheryl and emails from Ruthie and Nancy. How nice to know we are loved. You are alive in my heart and memories. Happy Birthday my first born son, I love you now and always.


More on butterflies:

The butterfly is a symbol of hope.
Think of the first stage of its life - as a caterpillar, like us, crawling on the earth.
Then comes the chrysalis - apparently dead - as when we put the body in a casket.
The 3rd stage, is the beautiful butterfly - completely changed - a free spirit, no longer earth-bound.

Photographs (continued from below)

When I wrote below of favorite photographs, well this is another favorite. Paul had emptied out his toy box, took off his pants, put on that knitted cap and the red boots. There was another picture I took before this one and his back was to me looking into the toy box and his little tiny bare butt was showing. So darned cute!!!

"The Five People You Meet In Heaven"

I recently read the above titled book and these two paragraphs made an impression on me that I would like to share.

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it".

"Life has to end. Love doesn't".

Another Mother's Day Without You

Loving you now and forever Paul, I miss you with all my heart.



Every step I take, Every move I make, Every single day, Everytime I pray, I'll be missing you, Thinking of the day, When you went away, What a life to take, What a bond to break, I'll be missing you.....


From the song "I'll Be Missing You"

Angels All Around Us

The changes and transitions that occur in the experience of the soul at the moment of its passing must be extraordinary and mysterious. To have the companionship and guidance of angels at such a time is a gift of great comfort and peace.

----David Connolly, In Search of Angels